As an executive and business coach, most of my time is spent helping business leaders and owners tackle their business challenges and grow their companies and teams.
Interestingly, at some point, the topic of their family, their kids, and work-life balance comes up. With every single one of my clients. Men, women, young, middle-aged. Similar scenario.
“My kids say all I talk about is work, even on the weekends.”
“I can’t seem to find alone time with my partner or spouse, as I am always preoccupied with work.”
“My spouse/partner and I work together and even at home, all we seem to talk about is work.”
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
My recommendation to my clients always starts the same way. I ask a few questions:
*So, what are you looking to change?
*What would you prefer the situation to be?
*Do you ever allocate time on your calendar for family or relationship time?
A few weeks ago I was speaking with a client who voiced many of these concerns. Actually, this client was thinking the solution was to sell their business in a few years, so they would have time to spend with their teenagers.
Of course, we parents of teenagers know that once they are about 12 years old, the last thing they want to do is spend lots of time with their parents, but that’s another story.
My suggestion to my client was to treat their family members (kids, spouse, partner) as if they were a prospect that they were trying to close.
If you’re in sales (and we are all in sales), how do you close a client? You develop a touch system, nurture the relationship over time and then eventually, the “prospect” becomes a “customer” and then a “long-term client”. **A customer is someone you do business with; a client is someone you have a relationship with.
Use this same approach with your family members.
Set time on your calendar for 1-on-1 time, on a regular basis. For my daughters, it may be getting a mani-pedi together every few weeks. Or scheduling a regular lunch or dinner with them, just the two of us. Maybe your kids love to read or to hike – so together plan a trip to a bookstore or library, or a hike to a local canyon. During these outings, it’s just the two of you and it’s amazing what conversations can take place. **If you have more than one child, don’t be tempted to do these all together. It’s very important to have “alone time” with each child (or partner).
When my kids were young, I would ask them these 3 questions, which ended up helping me so much:
*What do I do that really bugs you? That you wish I would do less of?
*What do you like that I do, that you wish I would do more of?
*Is there anything you wish I did, that I am not doing now?
These three questions were a game changer for me and I’m positive they will work for you. You can also use them with your spouse.
Try them. The next two weeks are a great time to create new habits for the new year. Set a few new goals for yourself.
Perhaps you will set a goal of having 1-on-1 time with each family member, once a month. Don’t be overly aggressive with your goals – make them achievable. I use a manual monthly calendar notebook to track these activities. That way I can easily see how often I am spending time with each of my two daughters, my grandson and my spouse. (I use their first initial and note “A”, “S”, “E”, “J” on my calendar when I spend time with them).
This is the calendar I use.
I know a paper calendar is “old school” but there is something that anchors my new habits, by manually writing them down, vs. entering them digitally into my phone or computer.
I wish you the best in the next 10 days of the holiday season – along with good health, lots of sleep and not too much eggnog and champagne.
Onward and upward,
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