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The prospect of becoming a grandparent

About 6 weeks ago, my eldest daughter Alex (pictured above at age 8 months with Grandma Frieda, doing her first produce taste-test) texted me asking if she and her husband Ben could come down on Friday to have dinner with us at our home in San Clemente (70 miles from their house). It was out of the ordinary and off schedule for her to set up one of our family dinners (it is usually me setting them up once a month), but of course I said yes, absolutely!

I then had a dream that Alex and Ben were coming to tell us they were pregnant. When I asked Alex if that was so … she blew me off in complete Alex style, ”Mom, you need to calm down about that sh*t. We just want to have dinner with you guys.” And I bought it.

So, when they arrived for dinner that Friday, after they settled in, Alex said, “Mom, when I was cleaning out the garage, I realized when I moved out of grandmas’ house years ago, I accidently grabbed a box of her jewelry by mistake. I brought it back for you.” And then she handed me this black box.

I opened it up and it was a metal button, like a giant campaign button. I kind of rolled my eyes and said, “This is the jewelry that you were concerned about returning? Really?” Alex said, “Did you read it?”

Well, the minute I read the button, I blurted out: “Are you pregnant?” She smiled, I started crying and we hugged. Of course, later I learned that my son-in-law Ben was taping the whole scene, so we replayed it over and over that evening.

What was extra special about that button was it was the very button I gave MY mom—Frieda—when I announced I was expecting Alex back in 1989. What an incredible coincidence that Alex found it! It brought back memories of telling my parents that I was pregnant and their wonder through the whole experience of pregnancy through childbirth (they were both there in the delivery room when Alex was born!).

It turned out that Alex and Ben had dreamed up a special and unique way to surprise each of their immediate family members with their news. For my daughter Sophia, they visited her at work and presented her a sweatshirt that said, “Cool Aunt.” I so appreciate how Alex and Ben took the time to surprise me with their news and how they took great care to do the same for the other grandparents-to-be and their siblings.

As Alex and I talked about 2020 and all the happenings, she said to me, “Mom, we started the year with grandma passing away in January. The next weekend, Ben and I got our first dog, and named it Kiwi (in memory of grandma bringing the kiwifruit to America). Then came the pandemic. And now on Christmas Eve, our first son is due to arrive. What an unbelievable year 2020 will be!”

It is especially bittersweet for me, as Monday, August 10 is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 97. My sister Jackie and I and our immediate family of nieces, nephews, spouses and kids are gathering at mom’s house for a light snack and chocolate cupcakes (my mom’s favorite), with masks, separate tables and proper physical distancing. I’m sure we will reminisce by looking through old photos, telling funny “Grandma Frieda” stories and eating a few of her favorite foods (beets, olives, honey mustard and avocados).

And we will talk about the circle of life. 2020 is definitely an example of how the miracle of the circle of life works.

I remember my mom hearing from all her friends how much she would love being a grandparent. It was perplexing to her, as she admittedly didn’t have great motherly instincts. But from the moment Alex (and then Sophia) was born, she reveled with joy and pride how much fun it was to watch her offspring. She was there for every Grandparent Day at elementary school, every graduation and every life cycle event.

She softened over the years, but maintained her sharpness, wit and complete interest in others, up until a few days before she passed.

She would be so excited that I will now be able to experience the joy of becoming a grandparent.

So Happy Birthday, Mom! We miss you and will be celebrating you this weekend!


(Me, baby Alex at 6 months, and my mom, Frieda, celebrating Earth Day 1990 at our office)

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